I
don’t know a lady that didn’t play dress up at least once as a little girl. As
little girls we all dream of our wedding day, we plan that day out in our mind
right down to the last detail. We see ourselves marrying the perfect man. A
Hero, a Knight in shining armor. As women, we all have our favorite movies and
most likely in our top movies choices there is a woman who needs to be saved,
romanced and made to feel beautiful.
Robin
Hood and The Last of the Mohicans are at the top of my list in that department.
The fact is that they are movies and not real life. I am happily married but my
husband has never swung through a window on a rope to rescue me, there has
never been a need for him to carry a bow and arrow or a sword. We have never
ridden off into the sunset on a white horse with my beautiful long hair blowing
in the wind, and my perfect body tucked tightly in his arms. (I know this
because I don’t have long hair and I am not a super model)
The song by Bonnie Tyler goes:
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero ‘til the end of the
night
He’s gotta be strong
And he’s gotta be fast
And he’s gotta be fresh from the fight
Come
on, ladies,
admit it--you all know what I am talking about, we are romantic at heart. Why
do you think we have chick flicks and romance novels? One of the best
romance novels I have ever read was Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. My
daughter and her friends have passed the book around also. Face it, ladies; it is how we are built. Our
feminine side cries out to be protected, loved and treated as if we are the
only girl in the world.
Unfortunately,
we live in a broken world and many of us never had fathers who protected us,
many of us have had unhealthy marriages, and we feel we don’t deserve any
better. It is sad, but many of us feel that. Women and girls have been fed a mixed
up version of what womanhood is. We have been told to be strong, we don’t need
a man, and we can take care of ourselves. We have had the world’s view of a
beautiful woman ingrained into us and have been taught by the media, that sex
is where it is. We often strive so hard to be perfect in the world’s eyes,
independent and strong, that we have forgotten how to be feminine and how to
let the men in our lives be masculine and be our heroes.
We
dive into the romance novels and movies to fill that sense of loss. As I was
reading the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge for my book group at
church (it is about finding the beauty that Jesus sees in all of us as women
and letting our men be our heroes) it became very clear to me that I was trying
so hard to be strong that I was in a sense taking away my husband’s manhood. I
wasn’t letting him romance me, protect me and lead me. I was doing everything
that went against what I wanted as a little girl and was acting in the way the
world saw acceptable for a woman. I had a meeting with God and I asked Him to
change my heart, to show me how to be the woman that he had planned for me to
be, not what I thought was best. My husband was out of town and I sent him a
text. (He wasn’t able to take calls at that time.)
I told him, he was my strength, that I believed in him and that I needed to
tell him that more. I ended with I Love you and I got a response back so fast. It
blessed me to send that text and to have him respond so fast. It was a reality check that if I didn’t change
my heart and let my husband be my hero I was going to miss out on a even deeper
love for him, and in return a love that would also be poured back on me.
It is time I close my mouth more, and when I do speak I need to find
kinder and gentler words. Titus
3:2 Teaches us “to speak evil of no one,
to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all
people.” I am guessing all of you ladies that are in a
relationship must have also done this to your other half at some time. I am not
saying I am a bad wife, I just think I could be better and if I am willing to
change, I think my husband will become an even better husband than he is
already by doing this. I tell others how lucky I am to have him but I don’t
always tell him that.
Ladies,
God made us different from men; he had a perfect plan for a man and woman--why
do we make it so hard, and try to change his plan? I have to be honest, I
want my doors opened, I want a strong man, and I want my heart to be protected.
I don’t need to be rushed away on a horse and live some fun and exciting life. I
just need to know my husband loves me with all his heart. I have to stop being
afraid to say I need you and I have to learn that my way is not always the
right way! I have had a reality check--I don’t want the idea of a hero
from the movies, I want a hero that comes from a deeper way of loving and
respecting the man that God has chosen for me. My husband has protected me in
many situations where I could have been hurt; he has stood up for me and made
me feel safe. I know he would love to be the protector of my heart as well if I
would let him. While proof reading
this, my husband told me that if you allow a man to be the man that God
intended him to be, he would swim through shark infested water to bring his
wife a glass of lemonade. (I don’t mean to be picky but I wonder if he would bring me a bottle of wine also). He told me
that, that is how men are wired.
One
day while at our book group for Captivating,
a beautiful young mom and wife came to our meeting after a night that had to
have been one of the most painful nights. Her mom became sick, was rushed to
the hospital and before the night was over she was faced with the
responsibility of taking her mom off life support. She sat there, tired and
grieving. We laid hands on her and prayed for
her. She shared with us that her husband had very tenderly told her that she
was not going to have to go through this alone. He loves her so much and he
told her that they were one. He was willing to protect her and help her
carry her burdens. He was being her hero. I used to think the line “you
complete me” from Jerry McGuire was one of the most romantic things ever but “we
are one” is hands down the most romantic things I have ever heard. The
icing on the cake was that it was real life, not some line in a movie, and the
man who said it wasn’t wielding a sword or returning from the battle all rough
and full of testosterone. He was a man who was pushing into his faith and ready
to take whatever was thrown his way to protect the heart of the woman he loved.
A
couple of us told him that he was a hero the next day at church and you could
see the love he felt for his wife well up in his eyes as we told him what we
thought of his words. Ladies! this man is a hero because his wife lets him be
one. She is tender and allows him to rescue her. Add that with his love for the
Lord and she has got the whole package. She told us that as a girl that she
began praying for her husband. Okay this just keeps getting better than any
romantic movie could ever be! I hope it moves your heart to want more in your
marriage.
Ladies,
if we would start sharing our vulnerability with our husbands I think they
would be more than willing to pour out their love and passion on us. We don’t
need to have the body of movie star or the hair of Julia Roberts for our
husbands to love us with passion and to be our heroes. Our husbands don’t need
to be some muscle bound, tough guys to be our heroes either. We just have step
back and let them be men. God had a perfect plan when he made us women so
different than he made men. We need to stop trying to change his plan.
My
husband is that hero that I need; I am going to work on changing my heart to
not be so bossy and, to stop thinking my way is the only way. Most
important I am going to faithfully pray for my husband. I am so fast to pray
for everyone else, I even pray for my friend’s husbands when they ask but I
don’t pray for my own husband on a regular basis. That is going to change today
and I pray that you will do the same for your husband. If you are in a rocky
marriage and feel there is not hope left, I pray that you will push into God
and start to pray for your husband and for a new and stronger love. If you are
a single woman or a young lady and you are reading this, I pray that you will
start praying now for the man that God has chosen for you. I have a few women
in my life who don’t have a significant other but it has blessed my heart to hear
one of them say that for now it is Jesus who is her boyfriend and her hero. He
is all she needs and I have to say I find that downright beautiful.
Ladies
heroes are not just in books and movies. Heroes are in our lives. They are our
husbands our, sons, our brothers, and our friends. They are waiting to be heroes if we would just
get out of the way and allow them to be the men God intended them to be. What a
blessing it would be to each of us if the men in our lives could be as God had
planned and we women would be a happy to let them.
4 comments:
Please share with me your thoughts. I want all of us to learn from one another.
I love you KGC! I so needed this today. God is so good and I still am amazed sometimes when he leads us to something we need at the exact moment we need it!
I am always inspired by you and the way you seem to handle lifes ups and downs.
Thank you for sharing,I look forward to reading more.
Jo Bozarth
So happy that spoke to you. You are in my prayers
The power of one; i believe that if we as children of the living God excepted the little things that God wants us to do to further His Kingdom then His will will be done in all things. We all have our thing to do
be a mighty prayer warrior. All the ways you allow God to work through you, to minister to others is a blessing for all. Don't ever let the enemy discourage you he was defeated on the cross and only has the power we give him. I believe your blog will help a lot of marriages in the church and help other women to see thats it's okay to trust and believe in their husband, to tell them their deepest feelings. Good work true and faithfull servant. I love you guys not as the world loves do i love but with a true love that only a brother and sister can have. I pray never ceasing for you all for the spiritual gifts that He promised before hand. Keep telling them it's okay to be where you are in life when your okay with where you are then your focused on the Lord.
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